Illegitimi non carborundum – Don’t Let the Bastards Grind You Down
Here for your edification and enjoyment are yet more Inductees into the Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame. These are the folks who leave us dumbfounded, dumbstruck and dumbfucked, in no particular order:
DISCLAIMERS: Any picture/Inductee duplication is purely intentional. You may also notice that the majority of Inductees are men. Dearies, that should require no further explanation. This blog post includes text and photos…because a picture is worth a thousand words.
SPECIAL THANKS to Colonel Morris Davis, former Guantanamo Chief Prosecutor for creating the phrase Rectal Cranial Impaction
Dear Hearts, am still reeling and recovering from 2015. It was a horrific year on every front. Am raising a glass of champers in memory of those we lost in Paris, San Bernardino, Charleston, Umpqua, Garissa University, and everywhere our loved ones have been taken from us by gun violence.
Raising another glass to us all, in the hopes that 2016 will be an improvement.
That fervent hope was dashed when Ammon and Ryan Bundy and their Bundy Militia “occupied” the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in Princeton, Oregon, ostensibly to air land-ownership grievances. This bumbling insurrection spawned the outstanding twitter hashtags #YokelHaram #YallQueda #Talibanjo and many more. The Citizens for Constitutional Freedom began running low on supplies last week and sent out an urgent request to supporters – #SendSnacks. Honestly Dearies, I could not make this up. When care packages began arriving with French Vanilla coffee cream and sex toys, reluctantly coined my own hashtag… #DildosAreUs.
That other family Gong Show, fondly known as the GOP Clown Car Presidential Campaign rolls blithely on. The Illuminati continue trying to outrageously outdo one another, but Cirque Du Toupee aka Donald Trump has cornered the market on Hate Fear and Lies . His Hate List has grown from Mexicans/hispanics, blacks, women, workers, unions, The New York Times and yadda yadda yadda, to include Muslims and whatever bogeyman next appears on the horizon . This bombastic, bloviating, bullying buffoon continues to confound the political pundits. The GOP don’t have the balls to stand up to him. If only Donald Trump’s grasp of The Constitution were as his firm embrace of Mein Kampf...
NEVER has there been a field of Republican incompetents like this one! Ted Cruz of Canadian Birther fame, has just been endorsed by that great patriot Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty. Carly Fiorina ground Hewlett-Packard and other companies into the dust as CEO and decided that qualified her to lead The Greatest Nation on Earth. Brain surgeon Ben Carson has apparently gone off his psych meds, and visited Egypt’s Pyramids… oops grain silos, to improve his foreign policy grasp, while Mike Huckabilly palled around with Josh Duggar and Kim Davis, and visited The Flintstones, er, I mean Afghanistan. The list goes on and on and on.
Here in Canada, we are greeting the New Year with hope, having relegated despot Stephen Harper and the Conservative Party to the dustbin of history. The Liberals and Justin Trudeau have the daunting task of restoring Democracy, bolstering an economy of life-support (Harper put all of Canada’s eggs in the Oil Industry Basket) and returning Canada to its rightful place in the community of nations. While I didn’t vote for Trudeau, certainly wish he and The Team well. Tea Party North flyweights Rona Ambrose, Jason Kenney, Michelle Rempel and the rest of The Can’t Shoot Straight Gang oppose Trudeau at every turn…pretending they didn’t create the mess we find ourselves in. I have a suggestion for these imbeciles – STFU!
Talk about timing, it’s Oscar Season and The Big Short is now on big-screens everywhere. How appropriate then, that the beacon of Wall Street integrity and financial acumen, Goldman Sachs starts the New Year with a $5 billion dollar settlement for selling fraudulent mortgages, helping to precipitate the Financial Crisis of 2008. Honestly Dearies, GS is The Gift That Keeps On Giving. As does Volkswagen. The US Department of Justice is seeking up to $48 billion dollars in fines for cheating on auto emissions tests. Das Auto … Das Bullshit!
There is a Special Place In Hell reserved for Bashar Al Assad. Having decimated and dessicrated Syria, Assad has murdered more than a quarter of a million of his people, many of them children. He has precipitated an international refugee crisis the likes of which have never been seen. The deliberate and calculated starving of Madaya, Foua and Kfaryawere, is unprecedented since Josef Stalin. And the World again stands by and does NOTHING. Joining Assad in Hell is his enabler, Vladimir Putin, who in his maniacal quest for world domination, continues to bomb Syrian children and their families into oblivion. He has also crossed another political opponent off of his Hit List. Author and political commentator Vladimir Pribylovsky was murdered in Moscow earlier this week. Of course there is NO suspect in the crime. Our final Place in Hell is reserved for Republican Governor Rick Snyder, who callously and with deliberate calculation allowed the mainly black citizens of Flint, Michigan to be poisoned by their own water. From railing against the Federal government and crowing his own successes, this pathetic hypocrite is now whining for Federal aid while the Flint Water Crisis deepens. As that great filmmaker and social commentator Michael Moore says… #ArrestGovSnyder.
We are only halfway through January 2016 and my head is ready to explode Dearies. Will leave it there, crack open a bottle of single malt and ponder the meaning of existence. There are so many potential Inductees into the Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame… and so little time! Your suggestions are always welcome.
Thank You Cartoonists John Cole, Dave Granlund, Donkey Hotey, Malcolm Mayes, Joe Heller, John Darkow, David Simonds, Joep Bertrams, Mike Thompson