Tag: Ted Cruz

Miss Myrtle’s Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame Part 8

Illegitimi non carborundum – Don’t Let the Bastards Grind You Down

Bugs and Daffy Around Campfire

Here for your edification and enjoyment are yet more Inductees into the Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame. These are the folks who leave us dumbfounded, dumbstruck and dumbfucked, in no particular order:

DISCLAIMERS: Any picture/Inductee duplication is purely intentional. You may also notice that the majority of Inductees are men. Dearies, that should require no further explanation. This blog post includes text and photos…because a picture is worth a thousand words.

SPECIAL THANKS to Colonel Morris Davis, former Guantanamo Chief Prosecutor for creating the phrase Rectal Cranial Impaction

OMG, Iowa Caucuses are really over and the “Our liberties we prize and our rights we will maintain” folks have spoken. Firstly, let me say that as a Canadian, this is one of the things I love about American politics. It is messy, it is exasperating, entertaining and for the most part, it is all out there. We Canucks are more politically anally retentive as demonstrated by the former fascist Stephen Harper government, which shut down all national debate and discussion…but I digress.

Donald Trump

Cirque Du Toupee was handed a humiliating defeat at the hands of Ted Cruz.  Showing fake humility when conceding, Donald Trump reverted to form in a relentless and hysterical twitter rant the next morning calling Cruz a liar and cheat, and demanding a do-over. Revealed for the sniveling whiner that he is, Cirque Du Toupee is heading for implosion. and its going to be UGE! Ted Cruz, that picture-perfect Tea Party evangelical prays to a GOP Jesus who is so hateful it is embarrassing. Perhaps he comes by that genetically.  Cruz’s father Rafael is a Cuban emigre and RWNJ evangelical preacher who encourages congregants to “tithe mightily”. Speaking of tithing mightily, Ted is married to Heidi Cruz, a Goldman Sachs investment manager. Needless to say. Goldman Sachs has been a big Cruz Campaign supporter. Add the fact that Ted is mucho unpopular in Congress and out, and he fits in perfectly into the GOP Clown Car.

Donald Tump Toon Varvel   Ted Cruz

Uncle Ben Carson DID NOT QUIT THE RACE but has yet to show up in New Hampshire. Apparently he flew to Florida because he needs a change of clothes, a nap and Plan B. Oh, and he’s furious with Ted Cruz…whose campaign apparently spread rumors that he had quit. Honestly Dearies, I can’t make this stuff up and it truly isn’t brain surgery. The GOP and GOP Clown Car are indeed The Gift That Keeps On Giving.

Ben Carson

Here in Beautiful British Columbia, Conservative-In-Liberal-Clothing Christy Clark posed for yet another cheesy photo op after FINALLY being dragged kicking and screaming to sign legislation to preserve our Great Bear Rain Forest and the iconic Spirit Bear. First Nations, for whom the Rain Forest has been home for thousands of years, are also its guardians. As part of the Rainforest Solutions Project, they have relentlessly pursued The Great Bear Rainforest Order on our behalf. See the link to Elizabeth McSheffrey‘s excellent article in the National Observer, below. You know an election is on the horizon next year, because taking a page from the Fourth Reich & Stephen Harper playbook, warm fuzzy TV ads are playing relentlessly, telling us how wonderfully Christy has NOT been doing for BC children and families…The Bigger The Lie

Great Bear RainForest

WTF is up with the NFL? They are still partnered with that paragon of slave labor Papa John’s Pizza for the Super Bowl. Papa John’s Owner John Schnatter was successfully sued by New York State Attorney General Eric Schneiderman, for amongst other things, wage theft. Shame on NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell & Co. Methinks we probably won’t be seeing any public service announcements about concussions, during the game…

Roger Goodell   PAPA JOHNSJohn Shnatter and Peyton Manning

There is a Special Place In Hell reserved for Shepherdsville Kentucky’s classy Mayor Scott Ellis who admitted to soliciting & receiving sex in return for helping parolees, but defiantly refused to resign. “I needed a blowjob” said Hiz Honor. His partners in crime, Bullitt County Sheriff’s Office  fired Detective Lynn Hunt after she uncovered enough evidence to arrest Ellis. Special Prosecutor Mark Shouse “went where the evidence took me” – NOT. The Good Ole’ Boys Club is alive and well in Shepherdsville Kentucky Y’All! Joining Ellis in hell is anti-abortion rights activist and sweet little old lady, Pat Lohman who secretly bought abortion clinics and lured in poor and vulnerable clients who thought they were Pro-Choice. Once there, potential clients were struck by the wrath of god and persuaded not to have an abortion. See the link to Petula Dvorak‘s article in the Washington Post, below. Am willing to bet my life that Pat Lohman would be horrified if you suggested that she take financial care of all of the poor babies she forces into this world. Hallelujah and pass the poverty!

Scott Ellis    Dvorak__1331454537890

Hell-bound too is Martin Shkreli, the Wall Street PharmaScum appeared before a congressional committee this week and smirked his way through the hearing about pharmaceutical price gouging and his companies Valeant Pharmaceuticals International Inc. and Turing Pharmaceuticals AG.  Of course Shkreli invoked the Fifth.  He later tweeted that committee-members were imbeciles. It is comforting to know that this scumbag will probably be convicted on unrelated federal fraud charges. Dare I suggest that Shkreli is a text-book narcissistic sociopath-which describes so many on Wall Street. Am sure his bravado will quickly fade in the general prison population with his new boyfriends…

Martin Shkreli AP_martin_shkreli_as_04_160204_4x3_992

Am nursing a migraine after discussing all of this buffoonery. There is never a shortage of Inductees, on the contrary too many and too little space.

PLEASE tweet me your suggestions for future Inductees into the Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame… Your input is invaluable! And Keep The Flag Flying @MissMyrtle2

Many Thanks to The Looney Tunes Show, Political Cartoonist Varvel, @NYDailyNews  Elizabeth McSheffrey @NatObserver @emcsheff  http://www.savethegreatbear.org/region/first_nations, Petula Devorak @petulad @washingtonpost http://wpo.st/HAS91 @RawStory

 

 

Miss Myrtle’s Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame Part 6

Illegitimi non carborundum – Don’t Let the Bastards Grind You Down

Bugs and Daffy Around Campfire

Here for your edification and enjoyment are yet more Inductees into the Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame. These are the folks who leave us dumbfounded, dumbstruck and dumbfucked, in no particular order:

DISCLAIMERS: Any picture/Inductee duplication is purely intentional. You may also notice that the majority of Inductees are men. Dearies, that should require no further explanation. This blog post includes text and photos…because a picture is worth a thousand words.

SPECIAL THANKS to Colonel Morris Davis, former Guantanamo Chief Prosecutor for creating the phrase Rectal Cranial Impaction

Dear Hearts, am still reeling and recovering from 2015. It was a horrific year on every front. Am raising a glass of champers in memory of those we lost in Paris, San Bernardino, Charleston, Umpqua, Garissa University, and everywhere our loved ones have been taken from us by gun violence.

Raising another glass to us all, in the hopes that 2016 will be an improvement.

That fervent hope was dashed when Ammon and Ryan Bundy and their Bundy Militia “occupied” the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in  Princeton, Oregon, ostensibly to air land-ownership grievances. This bumbling insurrection spawned the outstanding twitter hashtags #YokelHaram #YallQueda #Talibanjo and many more. The Citizens for Constitutional Freedom began running low on supplies last week and sent out an urgent request to supporters – #SendSnacks. Honestly Dearies, I could not make this up. When care packages began arriving with French Vanilla coffee cream and sex toys, reluctantly coined my own hashtag… #DildosAreUs.

AmmosexualsBundy Militia Toon John Cole   Bundy Militia Recruits Arrive TY IamBlueTrek

That other family Gong Show, fondly known as the GOP Clown Car Presidential Campaign rolls blithely on. The Illuminati continue trying to outrageously outdo one another, but Cirque Du Toupee aka Donald Trump has cornered the market on Hate Fear and Lies . His Hate List has grown from Mexicans/hispanics, blacks, women, workers, unions, The New York Times and yadda yadda yadda, to include Muslims and whatever bogeyman next appears on the horizon . This bombastic, bloviating, bullying buffoon continues to confound the political pundits. The GOP don’t have the balls to stand up to him. If only Donald Trump’s grasp of The Constitution were as his firm embrace of Mein Kampf...

Donald Trump Putin Horse BFFsAffluenza-duo  Mad Magazine

NEVER has there been a field of Republican incompetents like this one! Ted Cruz of Canadian Birther fame, has just been endorsed by that great patriot Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty. Carly Fiorina ground Hewlett-Packard and other companies into the dust as CEO and decided that qualified her to lead The Greatest Nation on Earth. Brain surgeon Ben Carson has apparently gone off his psych meds, and visited Egypt’s Pyramids… oops grain silos, to improve his foreign policy grasp, while Mike Huckabilly palled around with Josh Duggar and Kim Davis, and visited The Flintstones, er, I mean Afghanistan. The list goes on and on and on.

2016_Republican_Clown_Car_Parade_-_Trump_Exta_Special_Edition_(18739683269)

Here in Canada, we are greeting the New Year with hope, having relegated despot Stephen Harper and the Conservative Party to the dustbin of history. The Liberals and Justin Trudeau have the daunting task of restoring Democracy, bolstering an economy of life-support (Harper put all of Canada’s eggs in the Oil Industry Basket) and returning Canada to its rightful place in the community of nations. While I didn’t vote for Trudeau, certainly wish he and The Team well. Tea Party North flyweights Rona Ambrose, Jason Kenney, Michelle Rempel and the rest of  The Can’t Shoot Straight Gang oppose Trudeau at every turn…pretending they didn’t create the mess we find ourselves in. I have a suggestion for these imbeciles – STFU!

Cons Lose Cartoon Malcolm Mayes Tory Caucus

Talk about timing, it’s Oscar Season and The Big Short is now on big-screens everywhere. How appropriate then, that the beacon of Wall Street integrity and financial acumen, Goldman Sachs starts the New Year with a $5 billion dollar settlement for selling fraudulent mortgages, helping to precipitate the Financial Crisis of 2008. Honestly Dearies, GS is The Gift That Keeps On Giving. As does Volkswagen. The US Department of Justice is seeking up to $48 billion dollars in fines for cheating on auto emissions tests. Das Auto … Das Bullshit!

Goldman Sachs Toon Joe Heller  Vokswagen Toon John Darkow

There is a Special Place In Hell reserved for Bashar Al Assad. Having decimated and dessicrated Syria,  Assad has murdered more than a quarter of a million of his people, many of them children. He has precipitated an international refugee crisis the likes of which have never been seen. The deliberate and calculated starving of Madaya, Foua and Kfaryawere, is unprecedented since Josef Stalin. And the World again stands by and does NOTHING. Joining Assad in Hell is his enabler, Vladimir Putin, who in his maniacal quest for world domination, continues to bomb Syrian children and their families into oblivion. He has also crossed another political opponent off of his Hit List. Author and political commentator Vladimir Pribylovsky was murdered in Moscow earlier this week. Of course there is NO suspect in the crime.  Our final Place in Hell  is reserved for Republican Governor Rick Snyder, who callously and with deliberate calculation allowed the mainly black citizens of Flint, Michigan to be poisoned by their own water. From railing against the Federal government and crowing his own successes, this pathetic hypocrite is now whining for Federal aid while the Flint Water Crisis deepens. As that great filmmaker and social commentator Michael Moore says… #ArrestGovSnyder.

Assad David Simonds bertrams-putin Gov Snyder Mike Thonmpson

We are only halfway through January 2016 and my head is ready to explode Dearies. Will leave it there, crack open a bottle of single malt and ponder the meaning of existence. There are so many potential Inductees into the Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame… and so little time! Your suggestions are always welcome.

Thank You Cartoonists John Cole, Dave Granlund, Donkey Hotey, Malcolm Mayes, Joe Heller, John Darkow, David Simonds, Joep Bertrams, Mike Thompson

 

 

 

The Kansas City Royals and American Pharoah Saved 2015

Dearies, have not written about American Pharoah capturing the almost unattainable Triple Crown and The Kansas City Royals coming back from the abyss to win the World Series, for fear that I would wake up and discover that it had all been a dream. A glorious dream, but none the less the gossamer wings of a dream…

American Pharoah (2)  Kansas City Royals Win World Series

As we enter 2016, am finding it difficult to express my sorrow over the horrific global events  of 2015. The Paris, San Bernardino and Charleston Church terrorist attacks have turned the World on its head. We have been shaken to our core.

Paris After ISIS Attacks 2 San Bernardino Charleston Church Victims

The continuing genocide in Syria with the relentless bombings of Syrian citizens by Vladimir Putin and Bashar Al-Assad, created a humanitarian crisis the likes of which the World has not seen since World War 2. The deliberate starvation of of Madaya and Zabadani, the flight of Syrian Refugees and our failure to act, have almost paralyzed us.

Syrian Refugee Camp  Alan Kurdi  ISIS Flag

The year started with the horrific massacre of French political cartoonists at Charlie Hebdo, the satirical magazine, by Al Quaeda. Al Shabaab, an Al Queda branch, murders 148 at Garissa University College in Kenya. ISIS – the radical Sunni brand, expands its House of War – exploiting the chaos of the Middle East, to Europe and beyond. Disenfranchised youth from around the World are answering their siren call. ISIS continued its public beheadings, the murder and sexual enslavement of tens of thousands of citizens trapped in their grasp and the destruction of historic landmarks,.

No one in their right mind could have predicted the rise of bombastic, bloviating buffoon Donald Trump. His high-jacking of the Republican Party and polarizing of The Angry American Right Wing is breathtaking to contemplate. The GOP Clown Car is full: Space-cadet Ben Carson proves that going off of your psych meds can be a very dangerous thing, and Carly Fiorina demonstrates that grinding Hewlett Packard into the dust was just a warm-up for a Presidential run.  Jeb Bush underscores the fact that Dubya was indeed a doofus. Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio are embarrassments to their Hispanic roots: Mike Huckabee and rest of this motley crew prove that GOP Jesus is a vengeful, hateful, hypocrite. NEVER in its history has the GOP sunk this low. Teddy Roosevelt is turning over in his grave!

GOP Clown Car Toon (2)    Donald Trump Putin Horse BFFs

Canada’s very own fascists, The Alliance Party-In-Conservative-Clothing, were vanquished by an angry Canadian electorate. Stephen Harper was relegated to the dustbin of History. The Liberal Party and Justin Trudeau – son of late Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau were elected by acclamation. Mine was not one of his votes, but I do wish he and his Cabinet well. They have the Herculean task of undoing nearly 10 years of Harper damage. Especially wish my friend Harjit Sajjan well, as new Defense Minister. Australia’s ruling Liberal Party dumped their despotic leader, Prime Minister Tony Abbott.

HarperTrudeau Cabinet Tony Abbott

But I digress…

Watching American Pharoah and jockey Victor Espinoza romp home in the Kentucky Derby, for trainer Bob Baffert and Owner Ahmed Zayat, had my heart pounding. His victory in the Preakness Stakes left me breathless and fearfully hopeful. But his victory in the Belmont Stakes in early June, accomplished what no other horse has since Affirmed and jockey Steve Cauthen in 1978…They won the Triple Crown. It was the same feeling of elation I had, being at Belmont to see Affirmed win. The Heart of a Champions is biggest of all…

American Pharoah KD WinnersCircle

And then, that Cinderella of baseball teams, the Kansas City Royals – who knew only too well that defeat can be snatched from the jaws of victory, made it into the World Series again, looking to end a 30-year drought. What General Manager Dayton Moore and Manager Ned Yost did for team owner David D. Glass was magical. Salvador Perez, Drew Butera, Lorenzo Cain, Christian Colon, Johnny Cueto, Wade Davis,  Danny Duffy,  Jarrod Dyson, Alcides Escobar,  Alex Gordon, Kelvin Herrera, Luke Hochevar, Eric Hosmer, Ryan Madson, Kris Medlen, Raul Mondesi, Franklin Morales, Kendrys Morales, Mike Mousakis, Paulo Orlando, Alex Rios, Yordano Ventura, Edinson Volquez, Ben Zobrist  all played with The Heart of Champions.

KC Royals

So it comes down to this – Did Kansas City winning the World Series or American Pharoah winning the Triple Crown, stop the bombing in Syria, the carnage in Paris or the chaos in the Middle East? No, they did not. But sport is also  a metaphor for Life.

As that great wit and raconteur, the late and much-missed Yogi Berra said, it ain’t over til it’s over. Terrorism, genocide, refugee crisis’ – man’s inhumanity to man, will always be with us. Thankfully, the Kansas City Royals and American Pharoah continue to write their stories.  There will always be another pennant to chase, a baby champion to create  and an impossible race or game to win.

And there will always be a reason for Hope in The Better Angels of Our Nature.