Tag: Duck Dynasty

Miss Myrtle’s Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame Part 6

Illegitimi non carborundum – Don’t Let the Bastards Grind You Down

Bugs and Daffy Around Campfire

Here for your edification and enjoyment are yet more Inductees into the Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame. These are the folks who leave us dumbfounded, dumbstruck and dumbfucked, in no particular order:

DISCLAIMERS: Any picture/Inductee duplication is purely intentional. You may also notice that the majority of Inductees are men. Dearies, that should require no further explanation. This blog post includes text and photos…because a picture is worth a thousand words.

SPECIAL THANKS to Colonel Morris Davis, former Guantanamo Chief Prosecutor for creating the phrase Rectal Cranial Impaction

Dear Hearts, am still reeling and recovering from 2015. It was a horrific year on every front. Am raising a glass of champers in memory of those we lost in Paris, San Bernardino, Charleston, Umpqua, Garissa University, and everywhere our loved ones have been taken from us by gun violence.

Raising another glass to us all, in the hopes that 2016 will be an improvement.

That fervent hope was dashed when Ammon and Ryan Bundy and their Bundy Militia “occupied” the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in  Princeton, Oregon, ostensibly to air land-ownership grievances. This bumbling insurrection spawned the outstanding twitter hashtags #YokelHaram #YallQueda #Talibanjo and many more. The Citizens for Constitutional Freedom began running low on supplies last week and sent out an urgent request to supporters – #SendSnacks. Honestly Dearies, I could not make this up. When care packages began arriving with French Vanilla coffee cream and sex toys, reluctantly coined my own hashtag… #DildosAreUs.

AmmosexualsBundy Militia Toon John Cole   Bundy Militia Recruits Arrive TY IamBlueTrek

That other family Gong Show, fondly known as the GOP Clown Car Presidential Campaign rolls blithely on. The Illuminati continue trying to outrageously outdo one another, but Cirque Du Toupee aka Donald Trump has cornered the market on Hate Fear and Lies . His Hate List has grown from Mexicans/hispanics, blacks, women, workers, unions, The New York Times and yadda yadda yadda, to include Muslims and whatever bogeyman next appears on the horizon . This bombastic, bloviating, bullying buffoon continues to confound the political pundits. The GOP don’t have the balls to stand up to him. If only Donald Trump’s grasp of The Constitution were as his firm embrace of Mein Kampf...

Donald Trump Putin Horse BFFsAffluenza-duo  Mad Magazine

NEVER has there been a field of Republican incompetents like this one! Ted Cruz of Canadian Birther fame, has just been endorsed by that great patriot Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty. Carly Fiorina ground Hewlett-Packard and other companies into the dust as CEO and decided that qualified her to lead The Greatest Nation on Earth. Brain surgeon Ben Carson has apparently gone off his psych meds, and visited Egypt’s Pyramids… oops grain silos, to improve his foreign policy grasp, while Mike Huckabilly palled around with Josh Duggar and Kim Davis, and visited The Flintstones, er, I mean Afghanistan. The list goes on and on and on.

2016_Republican_Clown_Car_Parade_-_Trump_Exta_Special_Edition_(18739683269)

Here in Canada, we are greeting the New Year with hope, having relegated despot Stephen Harper and the Conservative Party to the dustbin of history. The Liberals and Justin Trudeau have the daunting task of restoring Democracy, bolstering an economy of life-support (Harper put all of Canada’s eggs in the Oil Industry Basket) and returning Canada to its rightful place in the community of nations. While I didn’t vote for Trudeau, certainly wish he and The Team well. Tea Party North flyweights Rona Ambrose, Jason Kenney, Michelle Rempel and the rest of  The Can’t Shoot Straight Gang oppose Trudeau at every turn…pretending they didn’t create the mess we find ourselves in. I have a suggestion for these imbeciles – STFU!

Cons Lose Cartoon Malcolm Mayes Tory Caucus

Talk about timing, it’s Oscar Season and The Big Short is now on big-screens everywhere. How appropriate then, that the beacon of Wall Street integrity and financial acumen, Goldman Sachs starts the New Year with a $5 billion dollar settlement for selling fraudulent mortgages, helping to precipitate the Financial Crisis of 2008. Honestly Dearies, GS is The Gift That Keeps On Giving. As does Volkswagen. The US Department of Justice is seeking up to $48 billion dollars in fines for cheating on auto emissions tests. Das Auto … Das Bullshit!

Goldman Sachs Toon Joe Heller  Vokswagen Toon John Darkow

There is a Special Place In Hell reserved for Bashar Al Assad. Having decimated and dessicrated Syria,  Assad has murdered more than a quarter of a million of his people, many of them children. He has precipitated an international refugee crisis the likes of which have never been seen. The deliberate and calculated starving of Madaya, Foua and Kfaryawere, is unprecedented since Josef Stalin. And the World again stands by and does NOTHING. Joining Assad in Hell is his enabler, Vladimir Putin, who in his maniacal quest for world domination, continues to bomb Syrian children and their families into oblivion. He has also crossed another political opponent off of his Hit List. Author and political commentator Vladimir Pribylovsky was murdered in Moscow earlier this week. Of course there is NO suspect in the crime.  Our final Place in Hell  is reserved for Republican Governor Rick Snyder, who callously and with deliberate calculation allowed the mainly black citizens of Flint, Michigan to be poisoned by their own water. From railing against the Federal government and crowing his own successes, this pathetic hypocrite is now whining for Federal aid while the Flint Water Crisis deepens. As that great filmmaker and social commentator Michael Moore says… #ArrestGovSnyder.

Assad David Simonds bertrams-putin Gov Snyder Mike Thonmpson

We are only halfway through January 2016 and my head is ready to explode Dearies. Will leave it there, crack open a bottle of single malt and ponder the meaning of existence. There are so many potential Inductees into the Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame… and so little time! Your suggestions are always welcome.

Thank You Cartoonists John Cole, Dave Granlund, Donkey Hotey, Malcolm Mayes, Joe Heller, John Darkow, David Simonds, Joep Bertrams, Mike Thompson

 

 

 

Miss Myrtle’s Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame Part 4

Illegitimi non carborundum – Don’t Let the Bastards Grind You Down

Here for your edification and enjoyment are yet more Inductees into the Rectal Cranial Impaction Hall of Fame. These are the folks who leave us dumbfounded, dumbstruck and dumbfucked, in no particular order:

DISCLAIMERS: Any picture/Inductee duplication is purely intentional. You may also notice that the majority of Inductees are men. Dearies, that should require no further explanation. This blog post has less written text and more photos…because a picture is worth a thousand words.

SPECIAL THANKS to Colonel Morris Davis, former Guantanamo Chief Prosecutor for creating the phrase Rectal Cranial Impaction

Your Nominations Are Welcomed

Al Jazeera     Mohame Fahmy    Sheikh Tamim Bin Hamad Al Thani

Al Jazeera and the Govt of Qatar Dearies, have always been a fan of Al Jazeera for shining a light on the world through the Arab lens, but that has changed with the disgraceful manipulation of Mohamed Fahmy & his colleagues Peter Grieste and Baher Mohamed in Egypt. The state-owned international news service put their journalists in harm’s way, then hung them out to dry. For ruling family leader Sheikh Tamim bin Hamad Al Thani, suing the Egyptian govt mid-trial is act of vindictive, ignorant & dangerous minds. SHAME ON THEM! Even Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott was able to affect the release of Peter Grieste. Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper, defector and former Minister of Foreign Affairs, John Baird and current Minister of Foreign Affairs Rob Nicholson,  have failed miserably in efforts to obtain freedom for Mohamed Fahmy. AM ASHAMED TO BE CANADIAN!

Monte McNaughton      Vito Barbieri     Nevada-Assemblywoman-Michele-Fiore-R-official-Facebook-page-800x430

Monte McNaughton, homophobic Conservative MPP suggested that openly lesbian Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne should not be discussing proposed sex-ed curriculum with parents. Ms. Wynn responded with forceful intelligence, cutting McNaughton off at the knees.  Monte & his colleagues need to be sent to their rooms for a very long Time Out. Joining Monte in Time Out is Idaho Republican Rep Vito Barbieri, who thinks that women’s vaginas are connected to their stomachs. This should enable them to swallow a small camera for OBGYN exams, suggests the Capo di Tuto Medicos. Honestly, I can’t make this stuff up. The GOP are indeed the Party that keeps on giving, as underscored by Nevada Republican Rep Michele Fiore. Ms. Fiore assures us that cancer is a fungus, that can be washed away with baking soda! Rated No.1 Legislator by the Nevada Policy Research Institute (??!!??), Ms. Fiore is the poster girl for a state that is ground-zero for nuclear testing, home to the Mustang Ranch and that dystopian Disneyland – Las Vegas. Honestly Dearies, sooo wish there were a vaccination for STUPID…

RudyGiuliani   Phil Robertson   Tom COrbin

Speaking of stupid, Rudy Giuliani is at it again, race-baiting Americans with “Obama does not love America”. This sorry excuse of a man has squandered whatever good will he earned after 9/11. Alarmingly, he has become the poster child for the reactionary, fascist face of the GOP. He has subverted the meaning of patriotism.

And then we have another Biggeth Dicketh, CEO of Small Corporate Dynasties, Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty. Phil has become a Fox News Go-To-Guy when it comes to talking about Radical Islam. My question is, do the ducks have a “Come to Jesus” moment before he and the Clan pump them full of lead?

South Carolina State Republican Senator Tom Corbin thinks that “women are a lesser cut of meat”… and should be kept barefoot and pregnant. He apparently directed these wise remarks to his colleague, GOP state senator Katrina Shealy, during a legislative dinner discussing domestic violence legislation. Methinks Senator Tom is the poster child for spaying and neutering…

Caribou  SNC Lavalin  Radical Brownies

Dearies, it doesn’t get any more cynical than the Alberta Endangered Species Conservation Committee. “Despite its name, the ESCC amounts to little more than an industrial development club, and it is directly responsible for delays in critical caribou protections. The ESCC is an initiative of the Government of Alberta’s Ministry of Sustainable Resource Development (SRD), and has a short list of extractive industrial members including the Canadian Association of Petroleum Producers, two representatives from Alberta Forest Products Association, Alberta Fish and Game Association, Alberta Irrigation Projects Association and the Western Stock Growers’ Association” The Tar Sands destruction of arboreal caribou continues. By the by Dearies, when that great environmentalist Sarah Palin says that “caribou have to take one for the team”, this is what she means! Well it sure as hell isn’t my team…

Meanwhile in Quebec, that bastion of moral turpitude, SNC Lavalin Canada’s very own Halliburton, is facing charges of bribery and corruption. SNC Lavalin is alleged to have paid or offered millions to Muammar Gaddafi & his family in Libya, governments and individuals in Bangladesh and Canada, for construction, mining and other contracts. SNC Lavalin’s tentacles are everywhere. They are relatively new owners of CANDU Energy (Canadian nuclear reactors), acquired from the government’s Atomic Energy Canada. HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN WITHOUT ANY DISCUSSION???

Breitbart    faux news radical-brownies_c0-10-640-383_s561x327

It would take a cage match to the death, to decide whether Breitbart or Faux News were the most reprehensible, but Breitbart is racking up the points with its meltdown over Oakland’s Radical Brownies. This is a group of 8 to 10-year-old girls study social activism, inspired in part by the 60s radical group the Black Panthers. Breitbart calls the Radical Brownies a “horrifying” development that is so “creepy and fascist” as to beggar belief” .” Be afraid America…be very afraid

Canada  MMIW  Veterans Slush Fund

There is a Special Place in Hell reserved for the Government of Canada, who are forcing survivors of St. Anne’s Residential School, that used an electric chair to torture students, to go back to court yet again.They are demanding the release of documents outlining the  physical and sexual abuse that took place and implicating staff members. The Residential School Scandal Is Canada’s Shame!

That same government under Prime Minister Stephen Harper who said that “Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women are really not on my radar”, refuses to launch a national inquiry into over 1,200 #MMIW. Meanwhile, House Eskimo, Environment Minister Leona Aglukkaq ignores the plight of her starving constituents in Nunavut… This Is Canada’s Shame!

The Harper Regime continues to fight its own Veterans on every front! When not using them for cynical photo ops, the PM, Veterans Affairs & his Ministers are busy denying Veteran’s health claims, shutting down services for Veterans and eviscerating their pensions. This Is Canada’s Shame!

Am stopping here Dearies…it is all too depressing. So many Inductees, so little time

Remember to Submit Your Nominations to @MissMyrtle2

Many Thanks to Raw Story,  Mike Hudema-Canadian Green Party,  APTN News